Balls to the Wall

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much my attitude toward fitness has changed over the last couple of years.  In the beginning, I forced myself to work out, even though I felt inadequate and completely out of shape.  I was unsure of myself, but I no longer let that be an excuse not to do something.

Now I still have to make myself work out when I don't want to, but I've learned to listen to my body much better throughout this process.  There is a difference between feeling lazy and not wanting to work out vs needing a rest a day.  In the beginning, I felt guilty for any day I didn't work out, or if I was sick and couldn't work out I stressed about it so much.

There have been times in the last couple years I've done too much, and I pay for it by being so sore I can barely walk or get up off of a chair.  I have overdone the workouts, working out every single day for weeks with no break, and thinking I needed to do this because I hadn't lost weight for a while.  I pushed myself to work out when I was sick, and only got sicker.  If I'd just taken a few days to rest, I'd have healed faster. You get burned out when you do this and constantly stress your body too much.

My attitude now is much different, and the reason is because I now know that a day, or even a week of missed workouts when you're sick will not affect you in the long run.  That's what I am doing this for--my health in the long run.  On this journey, I've become very tuned in to what my body is telling me, and I know how to listen to it better.  I know when I am just sore, vs when I am having a weird pain and need to rest to avoid injury.  There are always mornings when you don't want to get up when you're tired, but when you wake up and feel fatigued like you're coming down with something, you sometimes need the extra rest. 

There may be people who think you need to push yourself to your max in every single workout.  I used to feel that way a little bit, but now I realize that it's about balance.  In training for races, like when I trained for the half, you're instructed to run some runs easier than others.  So, I listen to my body.  When I am energized, I will go all out and run as fast as I can.  There are some runs I just don't have it in me.  Sometimes I am really sore, but feel like I have the energy to do something, so I walk, or do yoga.  I am not saying you should never push yourself because pushing yourself past your comfort zone is what changes you and makes you stronger, but what I am saying is that I think balance is good.  We all need rest days to not have to think about working out, and we all need some recovery exercise days where we do something that is easier than we're used to. 

In 3 years I've never had an actual injury that has set me back for a length of time.  After I ran my first 10k last year, I had a strange pain in my hip that kind of freaked me out.  So, I went online and looked up info about it, stretched a lot, and for one week I didn't run.  I did easier exercise, like walking, gardening and yoga.  After a week it felt better, so I did some shorter runs.  If I'd pushed myself to run when I felt something was off, I could have really injured myself.  Earlier this year I had an issue with my ankle bothering me, so I did other workouts until that felt better. 

As you get more fit and in tune with your body, you learn to be more honest about what you're feeling.  It's normal to feel muscle soreness and burning when doing something new or that's harder than you're used to, but pain that is awful or really nagging at you is a different thing.  I like being sore after I work out or run, because I know my muscles got worked well, but being in pain and not being able to walk is not good, and that's happened to me when I've overdone it. 

On the other hand, sitting around like a lump because you're sore is not good either.  It's good to get up and walk around and stretch.  The more fit you are, the less likely you are to have injuries.  As people get older, the more muscle they have, the less likely they are to get injured.  We've all seen those little old ladies speed walking around the neighborhood and shoveling mulch in their gardens.  These people are not the ones falling and breaking their hips, because they have kept their muscles and bodies fit by being active.  It doesn't mean you have to run marathons or lift weights like a body builder, it simply means finding ways to be active on a regular basis.

How many rest days do you take a week?  I normally like to work out 5 days a week and have 2 rest days, but there are weeks I'll only work out 4, and others where I might work out for 6.

The good kind of gain

Back when I first signed up at Sparkpeople and was filling out the information on my page, I wrote this, "For as long as I can remember, I've neglected myself to take care of other people, and have been a people-pleaser. I am done doing that! Now it's time to make myself a priority, so I can be the best Me possible.

There are so many things you can't do when you're very overweight. My first priority is to get healthier with each passing day. The things I have always wanted to do (kayaking, rock climbing, ride roller coasters again( I am doing this again, as of May 2011) are my motivation. Well, that and living longer for my family, too!

I've been overweight since I was a young child. There is no way I want to spend the rest of my life as the fat friend, the fat wife, the fat mom, etc. I WILL lose weight, and I will gain LIFE."

I posted this to my facebook page recently, because it's so true

As you lose weight and the scale gradually goes down over time, you feel a sense of accomplishment.  You have the proof in the numbers that your hard work has paid off.  The number of pounds you lose or the size dress you wear are not the only important parts of this journey.  It is truly about the way in which your life changes.

One of the things that I hated most about being obese was that my size kept me from living life.  When you get to a certain size, you end up spending much of your life sitting on the sidelines, watching other people do the things you'd like to be doing.  I remember going to one of those indoor jumping places with the kids when they were smaller, and I was over the weight limit, so I couldn't go in and play with them.  My body was too wide to fit down most of the slides at the park, so when my son asked me to go with him, I couldn't.  When I started to realize how much my weight was affecting my life, that was a big impetus to change.  I knew if I didn't, I'd spend the rest of my life feeling guilty, sad, and regretful.

Back when I wrote those words on Sparkpeople, I was determined to change so I could participate in all the activities I'd been missing. Three years later, I am able to do all the things I couldn't before.  That alone is worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears I've lost.  I've discovered more and more things I want to do now, and I can be active without it draining all my energy away.

Jeff is really into riding roller coasters.  Once I got to a certain weight and couldn't fit in the rides, I stopped going to theme parks with him.  It made me sad, (and he told me later it made him sad too) and for years I missed out on the fun.  Once we had the kids, I had to sit and watch while other people rode rides with them that I couldn't.

Today I was reminded of how far I've come.  Jeff and I decided to go to Kings Dominion for a few hours while the kids were in school.  There is a ride there called Windseeker and I watched many people who had to be taken off because the restraint would not go down far enough on them.  I know exactly how they felt, because I was in their shoes a couple years ago.  Now, I can ride any ride I want to with no problem fitting.  We can go and enjoy ourselves, and I am not limited in what I can do, and that is an amazing feeling.  I remember when after a year of losing weight, I was able to ride a roller coaster again, and how I felt in that moment.  I knew I'd never let myself miss out on these things again.

Me today at Kings Dominion

One thing I've wanted to do for a long time is go horseback riding.  A lot of places will not allow you to ride their horses if you are over 220 or 240 unless they have a larger horse that can accommodate a heavier person, so I couldn't have done it for most of my life.  I am hoping this is something I can do soon when we have the extra money.  Jeff and I went canoeing last summer, and they had kayaks there too, and a sign up about a weight limit.   To now be at a place where I can just feel normal, is the best feeling.  Whenever I am struggling, I remember that, how far I've come, and how I never want to go back.

This is June 2012.  I was around 190 then.

What have you gained from losing?