2 Year Sparkversary! 132 pounds down with photos!

Two years ago today I signed up at Sparkpeople, and in that time my life has changed dramatically.  I have been overweight my whole life and never known what it was like to just be normal.  My weight got to the point where it was really affecting my life; I was tired a lot, my feet hurt, my back hurt, I couldn't fit in things (booths, rides, some seatbelts, slides at the park) and I was sick of looking the way I did and never being able to find clothes that fit.  When you're big, you know you're big.  No one needs to tell you, and I was often aware that I was the biggest person in a room.  Sometimes though, you don't realize just how big you've gotten.  One day, we went to the park with our kids and some family members, and when we got home I saw a full length picture that was taken of me.  In that moment, I saw what everyone else saw.

325 pounds

I was shocked, but at the same time I wasn't.  This was it.  I knew I couldn't lie to myself any longer, and that I had to do something.  I felt overwhelmed and scared, but decided to take action.

When I first joined the site, I spent a lot of time reading the articles and blogs, and I read The Spark (I highly recommend it).  I needed to figure out how to do this.  It may sound simple to someone who has never tried to lose weight, you just eat less and move more, but to anyone who has lost weight, you know there is more to it than that.  I had lost weight before, but I could never seem to keep it off, and keep going and lose more than 20-30 pounds.  Finally, I learned that this is not about perfection, whether in exercise or in eating.  It's not about starving yourself and punishing yourself or going on some diet that is not sustainable long term.  It's not even about the amount of pounds you lose or what size you wear.  It's about finding balance in your life.  It's about being healthy and figuring out how to make changes that simply become the way you live.

For me I started out just wanting to lose some weight so I could be healthier.  Worrying about my health was something I did a lot, and I did not want my kids to grow up with a Mom who couldn't do things.  I didn't want to die before my time, like so many people in my family did.

325 pounds vs 217 lbs.  I filled out the 3x sweatshirt a little over 2 years ago.

Along the way, I have learned to really care about myself and realize that I am worth this.  You don't get to be as heavy as I was without giving up on yourself to some degree.  When I decided that I really wanted to change and believed in myself, that is when things changed.  I realized I could do this and take charge of my life.  The power to do this has been there all along, I just had to unleash it.  People ask me all the time what made me do it, and I think that everyone just comes to a point when they are done with something and will do what it takes to change, and I was done being so out of shape.

In the beginning, I had no idea how long it would take me to lose weight.  I decided that no matter how long it took, I would never stop working toward being healthy, and I would never give up.

325 lbs vs. 193 lbs

•  In 2 years I've gone from 325 pounds to my current weight of 193 pounds.  That is 132 pounds lost.  
• At 31, I now weigh less than I have my entire adult life.
• At my heaviest, I wore a size 28 jeans and 3 and 4x shirts.  Now I wear a 14/16 and size L or XL shirts.
• Walking a mile wore me out back then, and now I've run several 5ks, an 8k and a 10k! 
• I have become a runner, and what is even more shocking is that I actually like running and want to do it, even though it's hard.  Before, I thought people who ran must be crazy and only imagined I'd run if I were being chased.
• When I first started working out I could only do a few "girl" push ups.  Now I can do "man" push ups.  :)
• I could only do a couple jumping jacks because I literally felt like my ankles would break.  Now, I can do more than 50 and am barely out of breath.
• I used to feel insecure everywhere I went, and now I don't worry all the time that I don't fit in or that   people are making fun of me.
• When I want to do something, I don't immediately wonder if my size will keep me from doing it.  
• I am able to get so much more done without feeling so tired.  Most days I have an abundance of energy.
• I have confidence in myself that I've never had.
• Being fit is the best feeling!  I love that I can do so much more and that I am always improving.
• Finally feeling in control over my health is a wonderful feeling.  It feels awesome to feed myself healthy food and give my body what it needs in regards to food, fitness and rest.
• Hearing others say they are proud of me or that they are inspired by me makes me want to never give up on myself. If I can help anyone, that makes me feel so good. 

Me running into the finish at The Shamrock 5k on 3-17-12.  33:50

Me a couple days before the 10k (1:07:08) 195 lbs

I still want to lose another 50 pounds so that I will be at a healthy weight for my height.  The weight doesn't come off as quickly now as it did, but that's ok.  I have lost weight slowly and consistently, and kept it off.  I have changed my life and I know I will not gain this weight back.  When I look at old pictures of myself, it's hard.  I don't even know who that person was.  It's hard to believe it was even me.  It's hard to believe I allowed myself to become that way.  I wish everyone could feel the way I feel.  It has been hard, so hard, but worth it.

If you are just starting out and feeling like this is impossible, just know you can do it.  So much of this is a mental game, and you've got to learn to tell that negative voice in your head to shut up.  The only one who can do this is you.  You have all the control in this.  Small steps over time add up to big changes.  Be patient, be consistent and never give up, and you'll be amazed at what you are capable of doing.  Most importantly, do this for you.  Yes, I did this for my kids and my husband, but more importantly, I did it for me.  If you live your life doing things only to please others, you lose yourself.  You have to want this for you.  Losing weight will not make someone love you more or make people like you.  It will not make your life perfect, and for me it's brought about many realizations about myself.  It will, however, change you.  It will make you realize your potential.  It will make you feel  proud and strong and worthy of love (which I didn't, and that was part of why I gained weight), so that others will really see you.  You'll really see and know yourself.

Jeff and I at the Railroad 5k 4-21-12....I only weigh 3 more pounds than him now!  :)

Today, I am happy.  I am proud of myself.  It took 2 years, but I've changed a lifetime of bad habits.  I am still learning and changing, and this is my life now, and it's a process.  I'm trying to celebrate how far I've come, and not overthink how far I still need to go, because I know eventually I'll get there.  My Dad was right.  I can do anything I really want to do, and I really wanted this.

"Whether you think you can or you can't, you are usually right."  Henry Ford
"It's never too late to be who you might have been."  George Eliot
"Courage does not always roar.  Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."  Maryanne Radanbacher
"I did then what I knew how to do.  Now that I know better, I do better."  Maya Angelou

To everyone who has encouraged me along the way,  THANK YOU!  Whether it's been exercising with me, telling me I look better, or just telling me I'm doing a great job, I appreciate the support more than you know.  This is hard, and it can't be done without support.